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August 6th, 2008
Dear Jesus,

When I am done writing this letter
I am going to throw it in the garbage
because at least the garbage is real.

keep it real garbage head.

July 3rd, 2008
I love my life
And that’s something that you could never take from me
Your games and lies only manipulate the weak

February 28th, 2008
Rolling rolling rolling
so hard
so good

October 22nd, 2007

when you can stop, you don't want to.
when you want to stop, you can't.

August 16th, 2007

everything you've got to hold on to. everything you relied on to be there for you is completely fucked. there's a skeleton of loyalty hanging in the gallows of your heart. no one wins this one. and where are your friends? please help me through these years ahead. are we just drinking buddies playing with each other's deepest vulnerability, that this is all we know. so this is how it's gonna stay? i think i would rather remember how it was and go our separate ways. i don't feel anything unless we are living and dying for each other every second of our lives. everything you thought that it would be. everything you thought you were living for is completely fucked. this is not place to be. and if we don't get out of here right now we're just gonna end up drunk, fucking, fighting, and working machines. if i have another cigarette, if i drink another beer, sit quiet another time when i should've said, "oh, this is too much. these are things i never wanted to be." this ship has sprung a leak and i'll be damned if i'm going down with it. still breathing at any cost.

August 1st, 2007
[ mood | distressed ]

I think and think and think. I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.

July 8th, 2007
[ mood | completely content ]

thoroughly high. thoroughly happy.

June 30th, 2007

Dear _______,

what makes you stop to think? Is it that silence when a song has ended, and the other one is just on the tip to starting over, leaving you with a second to hear yourself. Or maybe you're deaf until the birds have all died. Whenever it is, i hope you hear a apart of me for whatever your ears have thirsted. And when you fall down, i hope im the gravel stuck in the cracks of your knees. when you finally stand up again, i hope im the air causing your skin to come clean. What makes your heart shiver? when you've finally realized that you're all on your own. There isnt anyone here to make you breathe, there isnt any air left to help you fly free. When you've finally reached the highest point, i hope im the wind keeping you unsteady, but deep down you know i'm the struggle thats given you strength. Maybe im just dreaming, that one day my face will be painted in every smile, but its a nice dream to close my eyes to. And if everything works out our way, do we all get our face on a billboard, so when its pouring down and you're screaming your lungs out to no one, you can look up, and you'll see the light, shinning on words and insight about how i lost 5 pant sizes by popping pills and eating my brocoli. but maybe by then my teeth can blind you, instead of my integrity. or maybe its my integrity thats blind. I dont have the words to tell you you'll be fine, and i dont have the heart to let you down again. But i know i can give you hope, i have it bottled up inside of me, and i'll let you explore my caves and find hidden messages, and you'll ask how my wings have came this far, and i'll open my eyes and let you stare straight into who i am. You'll have to step over the cracks, and the shedding walls, but sometimes you'll find streams of soul. But when i blink i hope you remember what i've done to sing you songs. And after they're over i hope i'm the melody still ringing in your ears, because without verses and tanglements of clutter, who knows when the next time life will let us hear. My insides are always bleeding, but dreams have numbed the core. I put the con in conceited, but i still have thousands more of my secrets to spread to the world. Let me in, I'm not as tough as you think.

June 12th, 2007

There used to be a time when everything made sense.
Now im just living, moving, breathing.

February 20th, 2006
[ mood | curious ]

mostly private journal.
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